I still can’t sleep. It’s 2:30 AM and all I hear is the audible sound on stirring silence. I have several questions dancing in my mind.
I had dinner with my neighborhood-friends Carene, Tope and Ems with Sas last night. The meal was good, the dessert was fine, and the conversation was dissolved. We ate issues concerning love and relationship and it wasn’t so edible. I got several lessons. Feeling so ashamed that I hurt my girlfriend sometimes through my unconscious negligence on my part, I just kept silent. I can’t do anything but love the person more. There were comparisons and complains regarding everyone’s lovelife. Surprisingly, the common complaint: LIES.
Whew, honesty is the most expensive item in market right now. I kept several lies before but I know, I already secured vindication or at least forgiveness to my victims. I also keep lies of other people, and that makes me a devious co-conspirator. For sure, I’ll be shot in Luneta like Jose Rizal if I spill all the beans that my friends had me kept in jars. I am a great lucky guy to be the “national archives” of love and hate of my neighborhood pals. They trust me. I am a locked room, very full, and about to burst out….
But that wouldn’t happen. That’s a promise. I am a good friend. (laughs!) I read an email written by someone named Bob Garon forwarded to me by Vanessa several weeks ago and I did pondered and studied it. Look who’s guilty.
Why lovers lie to each other
“The second fundamental requirement for effective loving is to tell what a therapist called “the microscopic truth.”
If there is one factor that damages a relationship sometimes beyond repair, it is concealment of the truth. Nobody can be lied to without getting hurt. And the closer to you is the liar, the deeper the hurt and the sharper the pain when you discover you were deceived.
You can imagine how hurting it is when the one person you have sworn to love and to cherish for life is the liar! The cornerstone of any relationship is sincerity and honesty. What more of a love relationship. And the lie is at the opposite end of the love spectrum.
We know that the beloved is capable of lying to us, but we don’t expect it to happen because our love was built on a foundation of honesty and sincerity. At least that is the way things should work out. When we realize that we are a victim of the lie and the liar is the beloved, then that reality is totally devastating. Worse, the lie gives rise to doubts. Doubts about other things told to us and doubts about what has not been told to us.
Why do lovers lie to each other? They will tell you it is because they don’t want to hurt the beloved. True, but more than that, there is fear and an unwillingness to face the consequences of the truth.
For some who have been brought up in homes where unpleasant truths are not talked about or denied, concealing the truth has become a habit that isn’t easy to break. If you get into a relationship with one who plays fast and loose with the truth, expect lots of trouble ahead. Expect cover-ups and every kind of deception imaginable. It is only a matter of time before you end up mistrusting the one to whom you have committed your love.
It’s only a question of time before you completely lose your trust in what he says. Then there will begin the period of time when your relationship is covered by the clouds of doubt and suspicion. Not the kind of situation that promotes a healthy and long-lasting love.
Every time you are lied to, it is as if the beloved removes a part of the foundation upon which you built your love. Distrust is a killer of love. It swiftly destroys the relationship you have nurtured so painstakingly over time. On the other hand, if you study solid relationships you will find a very high level of trust. You will feel the comfort level that the couple enjoys. You will envy the trust and the openness that are hallmarks of their love. Somehow, they have come to the point where they can tell the microscopic truth and grow because of it.
They feel free to talk about their feelings in great detail without fearing retaliation and rejection because the level of love and acceptance is so high. They have managed to build trust to such a level that they feel no need to hide their feelings or the truth. And the foundations of their love are strong precisely because they are built on truth and openness.”
The whole article had spoken. Maybe, we weave lies to make everything seems good. But unconsciously, we’re not. I learned my lessons in the past. I am trying to be a better person now. Caren, Ems, Cristopher, and friends hope you read this.
